The Biggest Mediocre Romantic Comedy — Nine Months (1995)

I’ve recently been in a bit of a movie-watching slump. I’m not sure if it’s due to having sat through too many seasons of Chuck before being forced to turn off everything after the atrocities of S5E1. However, it’s just been a little difficult for me to sit through a never-before-seen film or series without feeling restless.

Last week, I strived for a breakthrough — and thankfully after three attempts, I managed to get through it — with ‘Nine Months’.

I actually wasn’t even aware that this movie existed until last fortnight. And, of course, I immediately added it to my fictitious ‘to-watch’ list because COME ON. It’s one of those movies where Hugh Grant has a middle part — like anyone can run away from one of those.

My anticipation for this film’s greatness only grew once I learnt that Jeff Goldblum and Robin Williams formed part of the cast, and that imaginary bar I’d set for this movie only rose once Chris Columbus and Hans Zimmer’s names flashed across the screen in the opening credits.

So you can probably understand how dismayed I was when ‘Nine Months’ left me feeling like the massive amount of talent attached to this film was most positively wasted on perhaps one of the most insubstantial scripts to exist.

But honestly, I should’ve known that the whole middle part thing wasn’t really end all/be all because I’m sorry but ‘Four Weddings and A Funeral’ and ‘Notting Hill’ were also pretty mediocre in my opinion.

Okay, in my defence. These two films are FINE. It’s just that I more so fell in love with the side characters and didn’t like how messy the main couples were. And unfortunately, the main couples’ are kind of an important component for rom-coms.

So ‘Nine Months’ is about a couple — that don’t really have a whole lot of chemistry going for them — discovering that they’re pregnant. The problem?

Samuel is the problem.

For one, he doesn’t even look like a Samuel — which kind of makes sense? Because Hugh Grant mentioned in some interview that he felt like he was a little miscast here.

But in all seriousness, Samuel is a manchild who refuses to marry Rebecca (Julianne Moore) — his partner of five years. He’s a complete waste of time as a child shrink and upon hearing the news of Rebecca’s unexpected pregnancy, he immediately crashes his car with both of them in it. To add onto that, even well into the second trimester, this man is still missing medical appointments — refusing to accept that he will indeed be a father.

And if you’d like some bonus arguments, I’ve got them.

He values his friends’ thoughts and perspectives over his baby mama’s — believing that having a child is the worst possible thing in the world until his friend finally tells him how lucky he is. Plus, he’s just such a shit driver.

Samuel does end up stepping up to the plate eventually. He reads pregnancy books, turns down the opportunity to have sex with some random blonde, finally proposes to the ginger, they get married, she pops, we get the most chaotic and almost frustrating birthing sequence and Samuel ends up being the caring dad and husband that Hugh Grant never really became … oops.

In short, I love Hugh Grant. This movie was not particularly worth-watching for me. And I’m not so surprised now that I’d never heard of it prior to last week.