Ant Man – Movie Review

Yes, I am back and with another Marvel Movie to boot!

I know it’s a little late for this review considering that this came out … what two years ago now. However, I had just only recently gotten my hands on it; the morning after screening Dead Pool in fact. So just for the sole purpose of going straight to the point, the film Ant Man definitely trumps DeadPool- on any day, at any time. I’m serious, I really would not be able to handle another round of DeadPool. I’m not hating on him as a character, just his movie.

But we’re not here to discuss the catastrophic mess of that again so let’s go straight to the deconstruction of Ant Man. Now I don’t know about you, but I actually really liked this film. It was funny, sad and most of all it had me actually contemplating who would win – just like what a good action film should accomplish in doing so. Now before we get into all the nitty-gritty details, as always, let us go back to my personal history with the whole franchise.

Personally, I’m not too familiar with the cartoon show but I was a complete sucker for the whole Hank and Jan couple pairing. Which makes sense because they are meant to end up together- considering that they are both insect-related-super heroes; one’s a wasp-lady and the other’s an ant-man (Aside from being completely gorgeous, I mean, how pleasing is he on the eyes? You know he is.)

And they look even better here:


I do like them. I think that they are very cute together but there is one thing that I need to get off of my chest. How does Hank always manage to catch Jan in his massive hands without crushing her entire body- but then again you could say that that’s how gentle Hank is despite his very articulate physique. And so despite my opposing of Hank Pym’s science lab of freely crawling insects, I have a rather soft spot for the Ant Man. (And that is where our origin story began. I’m just kidding.)

Then again, I’m not here to discuss the cartoon but rather the less handsome, less blonde Scott Lang AKA Paul Rudd. Which I have absolutely no qualms about because he and I also have a little history together. See, I first met him when he married Phoebe and I honestly do marvel (Pun Intended) at how much he hasn’t aged because have you seen Lisa Kudrow nowadays? She definitely looks her age.

And… we’re getting side-tracked again.

Unlike most of the other Marvel movies that have been produced, this film isn’t about the origin story of Ant Man. No, it’s about Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) and how he is recruited by the Hank Pym ( the original Ant Man) to become the new Ant Man in order to prevent Darren Cross from being a generic bad guy. Thus we shall proceed to the general introductions.

Meet Hank Pym, played by Michael Douglas, who invented the technology to transform himself into Ant Man. Though his super hero identity was always kept a secret, he did a rather terrible job of hiding it since his assistant at that time, Darren Cross, managed to stumble across the chemical’s formula. Hank Pym, sensing Cross’ potential of becoming a complete maniac, kept denying his knowledge of the formula and would not reveal it to Cross; which ultimately led Cross to somehow possess the power to usurp Pym Corp right from underneath Hank. Yeah, I don’t know how this works but it somehow does so let’s just roll along with it.

To be honest, I never really liked Michael Douglas- mostly because he was always type-cast as the antagonist of every film that he has starred in, however it was definitely refreshing to see him take on a role as a good guy for a change. He did an excellent job by the way. I have to commend the techno guys who were able to realistically reverse the clock on Douglas’ face; it was great, no flaws at all.

I would give Darren Cross an introduction as well but he’s slightly crazy and I don’t think I want to go there. First of all that animal cruelty with the goats, I wouldn’t have minded it as much if he had just conducted those experiments on humans but come on, what did the cute, adorable innocent goats ever do to him? In all honesty, I think ‘as a bad guy’ I wouldn’t have even bothered to work out that shrinking formula, I would’ve just sold those pulverising guns. How effective were they? Gross, definitely a yes but they were unquestionably effective.

Moving on.

Here’s Hank’s daughter. I have absolutely no qualms about the actress but the character did annoy me a little at the start. That whole’moody teenager’ attitude did not suit a thirty-year-old woman. However, after that when she finally stopped being so sulky, she was great. I liked her. She knows hand-to-hand combat so she’s not one of those ‘damsels in distress’ and for now, that’s good enough for me.

Finally we move on to the main character. Scott Lang. I do like Paul Rudd so seeing his personality shine through really put a smile on my face. Especially in that scene where he suggested that they call the Avengers. Because really, why are they not solving this issue with the help of the Avengers? That would make everything so much more simple. So it was nice to see Marvel having the capability of ridiculing themselves.

It was also great seeing Falcon, I’m really glad that Marvel was able to establish that Ant Man was no joke, even if it came at the price of humiliating Falcon. Speaking of the fight scenes, I really liked that about this film. The fight scenes, especially the one at the end, actually has you at the edge of your seat, wondering who’s going to win. That suspense, when you think that Ant Man isn’t going to make it. It’s incredible.

Now I just want to give some credit to the side characters as well. First of all the Latino dude, loved him. I loved his long winded story-telling skills to his ability to kick some butt. He was absolutely hilarious, which brings me to- “What?! They actually allowed Anna Akana to starr in this movie?!”. I mean sure, she doesn’t even have a name nor is she even allowed to use her voice. But I still can’t believe it, she’s just a YouTuber and somehow she was able to land such a sweet gig?

I do have some questions on this matter though. In her videos, she’s always exiting with “Stay awesome Gotham”. Which is obviously a Batman referrence and since she’s such a Batman fan, wouldn’t she prefer DC over Marvel. However, AntMan is owned by Marvels and not DC and so if Marvel recruited her or if she auditioned for the part in Marvel, wouldn’t she be killing her chances of ever making an appearance in DC? Thus essentially, shooting her own foot. But with that aside, she was able to meet Falcon and maybe even Paul Rudd. How is this happening? I mean, good for her but man, how sweet would it have been to meet Paul Rudd?

With all that aside, I thoroughly enjoyed this film. And I actually look forward to the sequel. Now in no way am I saying that I ‘loved’ this film but I’m just going to say that I liked it way more than Dead Pool. It just had more substance you know.

I mean come on, in no way did I ever find myself tearing up in Dead Pool. On the other hand, Ant Man had me welling up with the death of Anthony and you cannot argue with the cuteness of the ants when they got their sugar cube rejected by Paul Rudd.

And who’s going to make it into the new Civil War movie? That’s right Ant Man is! I really do hope that he’ll be working along side Tony Stark because I just think the sarcastic nature between the two of them would just ultimately blow my mind. Also since we’re on the subject of Civil War, can we just marvel at the fact that Spider- Man is finally included? Spider-man, after his many years of being a loner, will finally be able to share the screen with the whole gang. I absolutely cannot wait.

And with that I’m out!


Dead Pool – Movie Review [Secretly a Rant]

Hey there.

If you’ve read my Ed Sheeran concert post from last year on my other blog- Linn Tells A Story , you would know that I spent around 7-8 hours before the concert dealing with a whole bunch of eleven-year-old kids as they spent their first official day in High School. It was exhausting, despite all the crazy sugar-driven children being so damn adorable. However, my time and effort were recently rewarded with a free movie ticket. (Which I only just received last Wednesday.) Now, let me tell you about my relationship with the Cinemas. I don’t go very often. In fact, you could say that I never go. Don’t believe me? The last recorded trip that I made to the Cinemas was when Frozen came out. Yup, that’s right. Plus, that was with a free movie ticket as well. I’m not afraid to say it. I’m an excellent cheapskate.

So as you can tell, I went to movies, just two days ago in fact.

It was with a bunch of friends, all of them were guys. (because apparently Dead Pool’s a complete turn-off to women in general.) And I get it, my parents didn’t want me to go and watch it but they were completely okay with my brother going to see it. It’s just that whole sexist thing where women should not be allowed to watch slightly corrupted films. Okay. Well, my parents are currently out of town, so I went. Ain’t nobody gonna stop me from witnessing the great Dead Pool.

I’m just kidding, my parents were cool with it in the end. It’s just a movie after all.

Anyway, enough chit-chat. Time to get on with the review.

Let’s Go!


Dead Pool is apparently the most unique mutant ever. (I’m just trying to respect his wishes of not being called a SuperHero) But really, I don’t even know what the criteria for qualifying as a super hero is. To me, I think that a Super Hero is anyone who saves the day. So who cares if Dead Pool’s a tad bit overboard and kills all the villains in the most horrendous way possible? That’s cool. It’s completely fine by me. He’s definitely getting the job done. If you ask me, the only thing Marvel should be worrying about is how they’re going to keep producing villains for Dead Pool to kill, because obviously it’d be absolutely ridiculous if any of the villains came back from the dead. At least with all the other non-violent Superheroes, Marvel can just get away with saying that all their villains busted their butts out of jail.

Now let me  just lay down my understanding of Dead Pool.

I first met him in one of the X-men films. I think it was one of the later ones. You remember that fight scene were Dead Pool was being a gigantic pain in the butt by assuming all of the X-men’s mutant powers and refusing not to die even though he was fighting Wolverine? God I hated him. Which was really hard to too because I’m a pretty avid supporter of Ryan Reynolds.

Anyway, after watching that, I really can’t comprehend how it pairs up with this movie because wasn’t he a bad-guy in that last X-men movie?

So according to my understanding, Marvel completely stuffed up Dead-Pool’s character in the last X-Men movie and Ryan Reynolds only agreed to play that role if Marvel would let him starr in a Dead Pool movie so that he could portray Dead Pool correctly in his way. And so, there’s no point even trying to connect those two together.

I know that this was not really a review, more like a discussion/rant but I’m sick right now so I can get away with this kind of thing.

I’m going to be brutally honest from here on out.

Dead Pool was not the best Marvel movie. It wasn’t even in my top 3. It was okay in the sense that I wouldn’t pass it off as being ‘bad’ or anything, it just wasn’t as impressive. Especially, since my standards were set pretty high due to the whole hype that everyone was placing around it. I was expecting so much more than Ryan’s gross sex scenes and his constant swearing to cover that fact that he looked like some old guy’s butt after he’d just sat on a whole bunch of sauna rocks and his terrible prostitute of a girlfriend who played the annoying ‘I’m just a slut who only got the role because I agreed to get naked in front of the camera’ role completely spot on – just by the way (I know that she’s not but I’m going to just place her in that pile because sauntering around completely naked in front of a whole bunch of old geezers is just as vile- or even worse).

As you can see, I could critique this movie all day long.

Sure, this movie had some laughs but 98% of them were just sex jokes and it gets boring after a while. I mean if you’re not a pervert, or if you remotely have some sort of standard for quality films.

I did appreciate how honest this movie was in terms of pointing out its flaws, I’ll have to give it that.

But my god, is Colossus useless.

Are you kidding me?! You can’t even beat up some emo, plus-sized chick?! (By the way she really should stop consuming those matches, man wouldn’t it be great if she lit up on fire and you could just have Alicia Keys singing ‘Girl on Fire’ in the background.) I mean you’re frigging made of metal! And after that you have the nerve of coming in at the crucial moment to talk about how Dead Pool shouldn’t kill. Really? If he didn’t he’d be like you! And you’re one big-ass useless piece of shiny shit. Who even let this guy into the X-Men anyway? Why couldn’t they have just gotten Beast to step in?

Come on guys, step up your game.

Now, here’s just a thought. Maybe Ryan Reynolds wasn’t ever cut-out to be a super-hero. I mean have you seen Green Lantern? Look at how crap that movie was. First of all, Green Lantern’s supposed to be Black. And what do you do? You bring in a white guy. Come on. What are you guys trying to play at?

We’re lacking ethnically-diverse super heroes as it is.

Also, that whole ‘I’m going to toss my girl-friend into a glass coffin and then toss that off a big-ass bridge’, yeah, it ain’t never going to happen. How is she still alive from that fall? It’s glass! The pressure would’ve shattered it and she would’ve at least gotten some sort of whiplash as a result from the fall. Maybe Ryan Reynolds should just stick to the whole romantic-comedy side of Hollywood.

He’s not doing a great job of handling the script or the whole super-hero gig.

Let’s be honest and not try so terribly hard to kiss Marvel’s ass here.

And with that, Imma just say that I’m glad that movie didn’t cost me a single cent and I’m out!

Yeah, I gave my honest opinion on it. Ya’ll be like: ‘OH MY GOSH. SHE HATED ON DEAD POOL’ Damn straight I did.